i found this the other day, i wrote it a little over two years ago during my sophomore year in high school.  looking back, i can't believe i thought this way:

"I drained the day with overanalysis and conversations with my bathroom mirror reflection; she looks exactly like the person that I wish I wasn't.  The paintings on the marble wall continue to blink and glare in my general direction.  The balcony view is filtered into various shades of black and white while my fine-tip pen relentlessly bleeds red ink.  My eyes translate everything around me into the only language of which I understand.  Names are replaced with never-ending combinations of numbers zero through nine.  No one ever falls in lover, but rather added.  Breakups are replaced by simple subtraction, causing heartbreak to become extinct.  Families may multiply, but when they are torn apart the pain is canceled out by long division.  Every important detail that is meant to be heard before all else is separated by an alarming pair of parentheses.  Nonetheless, that doesn't change the fact that you forget I exist."

Surround yourself with positive people, and you will be positive in return.  Embrace the good in those around you, and those qualities will become even greater in both you and them.  Express the gratitude that you have towards your own life and your own qualities and your own possessions, and they will grow exponentially.  Learn the Secret.

http://www.thesecret.tv/

I have decided that I absolutely must find and watch Remember the Titans; I am in need of some incredible inspiration, and I've heard from multiple people that this movie has quite a lot of it.

I want to be happy, however I have absolutely no idea what being happy entails.  During high school I thought it to be a certain weight and pant size, or the number of friends I had on myspace.  I would focus too much on my weaknesses rather than my strengths, more on the unimportant details than the big picture (which I still do).  When my parents divorced, I hit a wall; my family, the one piece of my life that I perceived to be functional and whole began to crumble.  If you had heard the spiteful arguments my parents had, you would understand.  Twenty-two years they were married...and all of a sudden they figure out that they hate each others' guts?  Honestly?  Not to mention forcing my brothers and I to choose sides (well, that was mostly my mom).  Needless to say, each one of us eventually sided with my dad, (the succession of choosing was the same as the succession of age: Guy, Nir, then me), and we were each kicked out of the house directly after our decision (my situation was a little different, but nonetheless...).

Let me make this very clear: I do not want to be anything like my parents in any way, shape, or form.  That is why I must commit to this now.